I just wanted to make a random post related to my travels here in Guatemala, but on a more personal note. I was terrified to come to Guatemala. Ask any of the people in line with me for security at the airport who saw my mom, sister, and me crying to each other as I had to leave. People have told me how brave they think I am for coming all the way out here on my own. I was scared out of my mind. But I don't define bravery as the absence of fear, but rather continuing with a decision despite the fear. Being honest with yourself and with others isn't easy. But even as a kid, my parents taught me that it is okay to be scared, that it is okay to cry, but it is NOT okay to not try or to give up or to go back on your word simply because you are scared. As an example, I used to be petrified of roller coasters. My mom had dragged me into the line of one the smallest ones and I cried and protested. And as upset as I was with her at the time, after the ride, I ran out to my dad waiting patiently at the exit, loving it and grateful that she forced me on. But she knew my limits and knew I would be fine and safe. And I reluctantly trusted her. This process has repeated over and over again since then, our mutual trust growing stronger. As I've gotten older, however, I've found that I've developed more bravery than I think my mom could've been prepared for. She is the one who is now forced to trust me, instead of the other way around.
It was my decision to go to college 2 and a half hours away, to go to Africa, to come out, and to travel to Guatemala for 6 weeks. We both knew the challenges these would pose. I have never been blind to the fact that somehow I am drawn to making challenges for myself. But life's not any fun if it is easy. My happiest and most blessed moments have been when I was scared, but continued past it to see what was beyond. I have found the people and things I love most because of it. Whether they were the destination or part of the journey.
And I encourage everyone else to do the same. Fear is natural. Fear of the unknown, fear of what others might think, fear of failure. But prepare well enough, trust in yourself, and keep pushing past the fear and past the pain that might come with it. Pretty soon you will find some spectacular things. And they may not be thousands of miles away. They may be right in front of you, just waiting for you to find them.
Now that I am in Guatemala, I have my own apartment, an internship, and more freedom than they probably should trust me with in a foreign country and a drinking age of 18. But even with the everyday challenges I face, I now know that I would be comfortable living by myself in an apartment in the United States, an idea that used to scare me. I know I can fly by myself (and a trained pilot), a thought that also terrified me. When I return to the US, I could run off to New York City or Los Angeles if I wanted to and had the money. They're not going to tell you this, but you don't need a college education to be successful anymore. I could stop now and pursue a career in professional juggling (I won't, I promise. I don't know how to juggle). But what's stopping me? And what is stopping you from going after what you want most?
So what if others do think differently of you or failure does strike? Have the confidence in yourself and love yourself enough to know that you tried and did your best. And because of that, you can try again. That is what life is about. Facing the fear and pain head on, surviving, and trying again, knowing that better outcomes lie ahead.
It was my decision to go to college 2 and a half hours away, to go to Africa, to come out, and to travel to Guatemala for 6 weeks. We both knew the challenges these would pose. I have never been blind to the fact that somehow I am drawn to making challenges for myself. But life's not any fun if it is easy. My happiest and most blessed moments have been when I was scared, but continued past it to see what was beyond. I have found the people and things I love most because of it. Whether they were the destination or part of the journey.
And I encourage everyone else to do the same. Fear is natural. Fear of the unknown, fear of what others might think, fear of failure. But prepare well enough, trust in yourself, and keep pushing past the fear and past the pain that might come with it. Pretty soon you will find some spectacular things. And they may not be thousands of miles away. They may be right in front of you, just waiting for you to find them.
Now that I am in Guatemala, I have my own apartment, an internship, and more freedom than they probably should trust me with in a foreign country and a drinking age of 18. But even with the everyday challenges I face, I now know that I would be comfortable living by myself in an apartment in the United States, an idea that used to scare me. I know I can fly by myself (and a trained pilot), a thought that also terrified me. When I return to the US, I could run off to New York City or Los Angeles if I wanted to and had the money. They're not going to tell you this, but you don't need a college education to be successful anymore. I could stop now and pursue a career in professional juggling (I won't, I promise. I don't know how to juggle). But what's stopping me? And what is stopping you from going after what you want most?
So what if others do think differently of you or failure does strike? Have the confidence in yourself and love yourself enough to know that you tried and did your best. And because of that, you can try again. That is what life is about. Facing the fear and pain head on, surviving, and trying again, knowing that better outcomes lie ahead.